To be Muslim and a lesbian is the last taboo. New research shows that this minority group are discriminated in the Muslim community and suffer severe mental health problems. A campaign group, called Imaan, has been set up to give support and advice. But what is it like to be gay, female and Muslim? Shaima Al-Obaidi investigates.

There was no way Alia was going to be a prisoner in her own home, obeying her parents’ conservative rules. They forced her to travel to another country, to cut off her childhood friends, to study a subject she had no interest in, and now they tell her that she can’t be who she is.

“It’s wrong!” they scream over and over again. Alia’s family wanted to take control over her mind so badly that one day, her father, a traditional Arab Muslim hired four well-built men to do the job. Two grabbed her by the arms, and one got hold of her legs to stop her from kicking them uncontrollably. Her screams were incredibly loud but they fell on deaf ears, as her family – her mother, father, aunt and grandmother – stood there emotionless while the men shoved her around.

Eventually her father told the fourth man who was waiting for the signal to “just do it.” He pulled out a long needle and suddenly her eyes rolled back. The screaming stopped. She lay on the floor while everyone just stared, relieved. She woke up in an unfamiliar room and began to panic. After hours of demanding to know where she was, she found out she was in a psychiatric hospital. Everything that had happened, happened because she was a lesbian.

Being gay and Muslim. It is almost as if the two words do not fit in the same sentence. In fact, to many Muslims, you are either one or the other. And yet, despite this, these words form the identity of many people in Muslim communities. A report by Joanne Dunning published on the Lesbian and Gay Foundation’s website, Gay Muslims in the UK states that “with around 1.25 million Muslims in the UK, it is estimated that the challenge of being homosexual in this community affects around 125,000 individuals every day”.

Recent research also shows that because gay and lesbian Muslims are a “minority within a minority” it affects their psychological, mental and social well-being. Imman, which also means “faith” in Arabic, is a social support group for lesbian and gay Muslims in London. They are calling out for Muslim communities to stop treating homosexuality as a disease and disorder. “The Qur’an says little about homosexuality and many claims are made about the content of the Qur’an that do not necessarily stand scrutiny. Homosexuality is not an illness or a disability and should not be classed as one. It is a statement of love between two people of the same gender,” the organisation writes in their website.

However, lesbian Muslims say the bitter truth is that Islam will never accept homosexuality and therefore choose to hide behind closet. Alia is one of these persecuted minority. She is a 21-year-old originally from Egypt, but was born and raised in Lancashire. At 17, she was tricked into travelling to Egypt and after three long and relentless years, she has battled her way back to England, where she now lives alone in Brighton.

She goes on about her family’s actions: “My family do not approve of my sexuality. Their feelings about it range from heartbroken disappointment to self-righteous indignation and anger. But seeing as neither their standpoint nor my sexuality is likely to change, they’ve settled on denial. On occasion they’ve surfaced from their deep denial to ask me not to date or once to forewarn a psychiatrist in Egypt of my ‘condition’ before having me forcibly admitted to an institution.” Their reaction was in line with their Eastern traditions – keeping their daughter in control, planning her future. And she was meant to oblige to her parents’ wishes without question, she says: “My parents original expectations of me were that I should study some well-respected, highly-profitable subject, such as medicine or law, marry a Muslim man with a similar education and background in my early to mid-twenties, and have children soon after.”

She adds: “I didn’t get along with my family for a long time, partly because of drinking, smoking, being irreligious, being uninterested in marriage or any sort of conventional life for myself, and of course, being gay. My stubborn unwillingness to back down exasperated the problem.” As soon as she arrived to England, she knew she had to go and seek support. She said: “I have accessed the services of the Albert Kennedy Trust [based in London] and the Allsorts Youth Project [based in Brighton]. The first helped me acquire a Forced Marriage Protection Order against my parents.”

A Forced Marriage Protection Order protects victims that have been forced into marriage, or that may be forced marriage. Each Forced Marriage Protection Order, made by a court will contain specifics terms for each victim. The terms vary but FMPO’s can be used to prevent a forced marriage, to stop intimidation and violence, to hand over passports or reveal the whereabouts of someone or to stop from being taken abroad.

This was Alia’s case. ”This was in order to prove that my absence from the UK for three years was because my parents had abducted me in 2006. Parallely the Allsorts drop-in provides a comfortable and friendly space, events and opportunities that the young people, such as myself, can access.”

Dr Andrew Yip, a Sociology professor at Nottingham University, studied homosexuality and Islam in great depth in numerous projects. When contacted regarding how lesbian Muslims bridge the gap between their sexuality and their Muslim culture and beliefs, he said: “There isn’t just one way of connecting sexuality and religion. Someone who has none or little access to support groups and lesbian-affirming printed and online literature may experience isolation, and great difficulty in reconciling her sexuality to her religious faith.

“However, someone who is supported would find the strength and resources to thrive as a sexual and spiritual being.”

His article The Quest for Intimate Sexual Citizenship. explains: “A lesbian Muslim is seen not only as a person who is morally corrupt, but also a traitor of her own cultural and religious purity. Being lesbian or bisexual complicates a crucial cultural practice within the Muslim community, namely marriage. Unlike in the Western society where it is a highly individualised event, marriage has a significant social and religious dimension for Muslims. Marriage is a rite of passage with significant participation from family and kin. It is also considered a religious duty through which one’s religious faith is deepened.”

Selma, a 24 year old originally from Iraq and living in London is another lesbian Muslim. Unlike traditional Muslim women  who wear the headscarf, or the hijab, Selma could almost pass for a Caucasian girl, with her chestnut brown hair, light brown eyes, and pale skin. It is her accent that gives her away.

Earlier this year she was invited to a family dinner party. Little did she know that it was her parent’s arrangement for her to meet her future husband, a 31-year-old man also from Iraq. Her mother constantly reminds her of how proud she is to see her daughter finally getting married. If her mother knew the truth, life would turn upside down for Selma.“There is no way I can open up to my family about my sexuality,” she says. “They will only kill me, beat me and do all sorts. I remember when I was 16, my dad saw my friend have his arms round me. I couldn’t walk properly for six months because he beat me so hard. This was because he thought I had a relationship with a man. So let alone what he will say about me having a [sexual] relationship with a woman.”

Selma’s face changes to an expression full of sadness. She turns her head down, and her eyes stay glued to the ground while she explains that her fiancé treats her like a possession. She says: “I’m getting married soon. I know it will be a mistake because, he treats me like I’m something he bought from a shop. I just don’t love him. I’m in love with someone else. A woman. A Muslim too. But how can I tell him or my family that I’m not in love with him, but with a woman.”

She tries to smile but her eyes spell out fear and pain. “I’ve always felt that god made me how I was, but because they (my family)  think being gay is a Western thing, like it is a disease we catch because we live in the West.

They will never come to accept the way I think or the way I am. I will just have to accept that this is how my life has to be, and my sexuality will just have to remain a secret.” She repeats my last question to herself and pauses for the longest time. It felt as though she was lost for words, until she finally said: “Am I happy? I don’t think I will ever be. People can be who they are. I am one of the few who can’t.”

Names of sources have been changed in this article.